Yesterday was one of those days in which I went to bed feeling restless. I didn’t want to talk about this, but what I saw on tv last night really makes me feel obliged to talk about domestic violence. Four victims in one day. Four. Four! It’s hard enough to see a person die every other week because of domestic abuse, but four in one day goes beyond any limit. I didn’t know any of those women and, fortunately, I’ve never known any woman that has died for this reason. But when I saw the news I felt such impotence, restlessness, anger… so many emotions. And when I talk about domestic violence I’m talking about both genders, a man killing his woman and vice versa.

I cannot understand how a person can kill his/her significant other by punching, pushing, kicking, slapping, shooting her/him. I really can’t. Why do they do that? What kind of satisfaction do they get from doing that? Do they do it because of fear? Insecurity? Because they feel inferior or understimated? I have no clue.

But I needed to write about lines about this topic. I’m aware of the fact that there will not be one victim less because of this post. But I need to dream and think that there will come a day when ALL relationships are based on respect, trust, communication and love, and not on punching, rolling and kickin’.

“Black eyes, I don’t need ‘em… blue tears, gimme freedom… Positively, never goin’ back… I won’t live, where things are so out of whack… no more rollin’ with the punches, no more usin’ or abusin’. I’d rather die standin’ than live on my knees, beggin’ please… no more! Black eyes, I don’t need ‘em… blue tears, gimme freedom… black eyes all behind me, blue tears will never find me now… Black Eyes, Blue Tears - Shania Twain

(este post lo escribiré sólo en inglés, lo siento… es que es un poco largo…)

February 24th. I can only think about Paris on a day like today. The TGV, french high speed train, had just arrived in Paris, the city of light, love and so much more. A sleepless night in the train, a worried mother left at the gare of Hendaye and thousands of butterflies fluttering in my stomach. As I’m writing these lines, I can’t help myself humming the following lines: The train pulled into Paris, like a rocket to the moon. The stage’s like a circus, every face is a cartoon…”. The faces I saw at Montparnasse sure looked like cartoons. It was 6.00am when the TGV made its entrance at the french gare. It was pitch dark outside. Our hotel was close to the station and I could’ve walked there, but I didn’t feel safe out in the streets by myself so I stayed till the sun came up. I waited impatiently until 7.30am, till I saw the first rays of light warming up the city of Paris. I had a quick breakfast and headed to Hôtel Atlantique.

As I left the station and walked down the street, I saw it for the first time. There it was, standing in the middle of the city. The Eiffel Tower welcomed me back in Paris. I hadn’t seen it in a few years. It only took me ten minutes to arrive at the hotel. A friendly man checked me in and gave me the key to my room. I unpacked my things and lay in bed trying to catch some sleep. It was impossible. Every attempt I made to close my eyes and not think about anything, was simply futile. Oh well, c’est la vie. I took a shower, looked at the mirror. “You look like shit, Maider”. I had only slept three hours in the train. They never turned the lights off and I was too nervous to get lost in some comforting dreams. There’s nothing make-up can’t hide though. Those huge rings I had around my eyes were easily “removed” within minutes.

I wasn’t sure how far the Gare du Nord was from our hotel, so I went downstairs and asked the receptionist for directions. I walked down to the Pasteur subway station and commuted all the way to Montmatre. I arrived in early, it was only 10.30am. So I decided to walk some before getting to the station. Paris looked as beautiful as it did last time. Not much had changed, except for the fact I was a few years older since I last visited la ville de l’amour. On that note, I’d never been to Paris with a partner before, I guess that’s why it looked more beautiful than ever and I dared to call it, for the first time in my life, the city of love.

I was at the station by 10.55am. Five minutes left. The Eurostar train made its entrance at platform one. Hundreds of people walked my direction, but as hard as I tried recognizing a familiar face in the crowd, I saw no one. I felt overwhelmed, worried, disappointed for a few seconds. “Dammit, Maider. Should’ve considered the possibility of him not coming. Of him standing you up”. I felt my blood pressure dropping. It was blurry around me. I looked again all over the station. And there he was, wearing a black coat, carrying a small grey suitcase. I walked with determination towards the place he was standing at, I pushed some people, it was hard to keep balance with all the nerves and low blood pressure. He looked as handsome as when we last kissed at the subway station in New York. He smiled when he spotted me in the crowd, that beautiful smile. I kissed him and hugged him, again. “Hold me, my pressure’s low and I’m afraid of fainting in the middle of the station”, I whispered in his ear. He held my hand and after exchanging some dollars, we left the station and walked back to our hotel.

That was a year ago. That was the beginning of the most passionate, adventurous, romantic, sexy, crazy, sweet, tender, exciting, cheesy, intimate and fun ten days I’ve spent in my life. I felt loved, I felt pretty, I felt I could conquer the world as long as he stood by my side. I hadn’t felt such way in a long-long time, as a matter of fact, I don’t recall feeling that way ever before in my life. And for that, I’m thankful. I will always treasure those unique moments we shared, those moments where time and spaces froze and there was only him and me in the world. Those moments where no telephone was needed to hear his voice, those moments where I had no need to close my eyes to imagine him touching me once again. Those moments…

It’s midnight, the bell’s ringing. But these lines I’ve written were not part of a dream. It was all real. At least for me.

“I’m on a roll when I’m with you. Don’t stop me now, I just can’t lose… ’cause you’re mine, that’s all I need to know. The sun shines, everywhere we go. It’s all right, ’cause I’ve got you to hold every night…” - Second floor at the Eiffel Tower, “singing” this to keep us warm in the cold winter.

You wouldn’t imagine the kind of conversations we keep at the editorial staff. Oh my… You can either begin a geography competition with the sports writer, start a debate about the upcoming elections or ramble about every day stories. Last Saturday, while on my guard shift, I ended up talking about geography with one of my co-workers. We named some of the capital cities of the main countries. Though, now that I’m thinking, neither Trinidad and Tobago, Guyana or Honduras are the great powers of the world, but anyway… it was fun and it kept me entertained throughout the shift.

Anyway, among those conversations we’ve kept (you should’ve heard the one we had yesterday about enlarging the size of the airport’s runway, right after talking about how a tribe in Indonesia holds their penises inside a pumpkin, yes… editorial staffs are the best places to learn, ahem…), we recently spoke about ‘One thousand and one nights’. We started talking about Sherezade and all the stories that this book holds in its pages. We ended up the conversation talking about how much we liked Aladdin, or how interesting Ali Baba and the forty thieves were… Open Sesame!

I went home thinking about the fables told in this book and how much I’d enjoy reading them. Fnac has an edition of One thousand and one nights, so whenever I get the chance, I’ll go to San Sebastian to get a copy. Right now, I’m reading a very interesting novel by Matilde Asensi.

To make you ‘hear’ my love

I hadn’t planned to write anything today… but I got up in such a good mood, it’s beautiful outside and I feel so energic, that I couldn’t pass up this opportunity to wish you all a Happy Valentine’s Day!

Among all the crap we get these days… and I don’t mean to despise any artist but, seriously, it looks like anyone can release a cd lately… once in a blue moon, a true talent will show up in the market. Alicia Keys was one of those diamonds in a rough that with each album she has released has turned into a precious stone.

Ever since she released ‘Songs in A minor’, Keys has found her way to soothe my ears and capture my attention. I loved Fallin’, A Woman’s Worth (watch her grammy performance with Joaquín Cortés dancing a very passionate tango) from her first cd. If I Ain’t Got You (again, watch her grammy performance with Jamie Foxx, a-ma-zing!) and Karma from the ‘Diary of Alicia Keys’ are really good too.

And now she’s back with her third studio album entitled ‘As I am’. What a masterpiece. I got it for Christmas for my sister and I’ve been borrowing her cd almost every week (I know I’ll end up adding this album to my collection). She writes her own songs, composes the melody, produces her records… she’s all talent.

I got hooked on ‘No one’ from the very first second I listened to the track. It’s so positive and optimistic sounding. So catchy and easy to memorize. I love how she sends such a good message to everyone out there.

So, anyway, for those of you celebrating Valentine’s Day tomorrow, enjoy the following song. It’s beautiful. Happy Valentine’s lovebirds!

Alicia Keys - No One
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=N8JPGSFC

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don’t worry ‘cuz
Everything’s going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all I know is everything’s going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain
You and me together

Through the days and nights
I don’t worry ‘cuz
Everything’s going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all I know is everything’s going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try try to divide something so real
So ’til the end of time I’m telling you there is no one

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

A couple of days ago, one of my co-workers suggested that I took a graphology test. It’s not the first time my writing has been analyzed, but I thought it would be fun to see what my signature says about me. So, here’s the results:

Its position in the page displays you are a kind, loyal and spontaneous person.

According to the size of the signature, medium, you are a moderate extrovert person.

The predominance of curves in the signature reveals aesthetic taste, kindness and politeness.

The angle you’ve given to the signature means you are a very demanding person with yourself and you seek for perfection.

The speed in which you have written the signature says you are a measured and fair person.

According to the pressure you put to the writing you are a practical and active person.

The lack of rubric in the signature reveals authenticity and clearness; a person that accepts herself as she is and shows to others the way she is.

Having a legible signature means you show to others with sincerity and authencity from the get-go.

The use of capital letters in the signature means you value yourself fairly.

The predominance of the name in the signature means you show a stronger inner “you” and autoacceptance.

So, is this me really?

And last but, definitely, not least there’s touch. I wanted to talk about the other senses first because I consider touch to be the most important one. And even though you might think I’m insane and say: What?!?! Even more important than sight or hearing?!?!? Well, yes, that’s what I honestly think. Sight is very important (I mentioned that on my previous post), especially because we live on a very visual world. Just think about all the images you see each day… still, I consider touch to be essential on our every day life.

To be honest, I didn’t consider touch to be that important till recently. I guess I wasn’t aware of the fact that even typing this post is involved with touch somehow. As I’m typing, my fingers are sensing each key that I press with them. How would it be if I touched it and yet, felt nothing? I try to imagine what life would be like if I lost this sense and I think about this kids that have this illness where they’re immune to feel physical pain. They can put they’re hands on a burning stove and feel nothing. Think about how cautious they (and their parents) have to be not to get hurt.

But I do consider touch to be really important now. I was once given some “homework” to do and was asked to think carefully about this possibility: If you were given the chance to choose between sight and touch, if you were to lose one of them but given the chance of chosing, which one would you choose? At first, I thought about sight… I can’t imagine my life without being able to see… but since I had a day to “hand in” my homework, I exercised some and reached the conclusion that touch was by far more important. So, the following day I said, definitely touch! The response I received was of surprise, touch? Yes, touch.

Imagine for a second not feeling a hug, a caress, a kiss, a slap on your face, a pinch… nothing. Not feeling anything at all. Exercise like I did, if you feel like it: Roll up the sleeves, close your eyes and gently, very softly, caress your arm up and down. Feel it and then, try to imagine what it would be like to feel nothing.

Well, this is all about senses. I enjoyed sharing my thoughts about hearing, smell, sight, taste and touch.

Sight. So much can be written about sight or the lack of it. I’ve met several blind people in my life and words cannot express how much I admire these people. In a world where everything these days is visual, where image is not important, I can’t imagine how tough it must be to not see anything.

But then again, I believe they do see. Not with their eyes, but with their hands, ears and heart. Because of their lack of sight, they have developed other senses and they are aware of things we’re not. They’re much more sensitive than we are. And whenever we make a big deal of it, they seem to find a way to play it down… I honestly admire these people.

I remember the first time I met a blind person. I couldn’t be any older than five. I was visiting some relatives in Aragón (a Spanish region). Their neighborhood had a shared swimming pool and I had just learned to dive, so I was getting in and off the people the entire time. It was fun. One sunny day, I heard a young girl calling my name. So I ran to where she was and asked her what she wanted. She asked me to guide her all the way to the ladder to get in the water. I was surprised and asked her if she couldn’t see. She then explained to me she couldn’t, she was blind. That was the first time I heard that word, blind. I spent the rest of my vacation there with her.

Anyway, sight or the lack of it… these people see things that we don’t, see better than we do…

P.S.: What a wonderful movie ‘At first sight’ was Hopelessly Clueless. I really enjoyed watching it. It was a tear-jerker film. .

Last chapter: touch